I read a sentence from Moby Dick at 1am and asked my sleepy boyfriend to read it too-
"Some years ago--never mind how long precisely--having little or no money in my purse, and nothing particular to interest me on shore, I thought I would sail about a little and see the watery part of the world. When ever I find myself growing grim about the mouth;whenever it is a damp drizzly November in my soul;whenever I find myself involuntarily pausing before coffin warehouses, and bringing up the rear of every funeral I meet; an especially whenever my hypos get such an upper hand of me, that it requires a strong moral principle to prevent me from deliberately stepping into the street and methodically knocking peoples hats off---then, I account it high time to get to sea as soon as I can. This is my substitute for pistol and ball-----I quietly take...to.. the.. ship..."
What a romantic few sentences. This idea of boredom with current circumstance, the necessity to pick up and go, has been and undetachable piece of my spirit....I look at my routine, what is, and how my wants are not lining up with what is, and I feel the urge to "quietly take to the ship". Said another way from a new favorite writer... Anais Nin-
"You live like this, sheltered, in a delicate world, and you believe you are living. Then you read a book, or you take a trip, and you discover that you are not living, that you are hibernating. The symptoms of hibernating are easily detectable: first, restlessness. The second symptom (when hibernating becomes dangerous and might degenerate into death): absence of pleasure. That is all. It appears like an innocuous illness. Monotony, boredom,death. Millions live like this (or die like this) without knowing it. they work in offices. they drive a car. They picnic with there families. They raise children. And then some shock treatment takes place a person, a book, a song, and it awakens them and saves them from death. Some never awaken"
Both of these quotes have to do with awakening..which equal parts frightens and motivates me. First comes the realization of dissatisfaction,boredom and then fear that It will always be this way. Second comes the excitement of possibility and the motivation to begin the work of expanding one's self.
So thats were I am....I gotta start writing, I gotta start taking pictures again. I gotta keep planning wonderful trips with my friend.
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