10:22pm

Staring at the digital clock,working my eyes in and out of focus, 10:22pm… Watching the blinking light that keeps the seconds. You stare long enough to think you have control over the minute. But look again.. that minute has controlled you. What soothes you, what comforts you? What pets your head to tell you everything is going to be okay? In those moments, when, silence is the most deafening sound, when the thoughts reign supreme with in you, and become choreographed images projected in front of your eyes. Words, can’t explain that fear. It is a deep fear. The one people conveniently disguise as something treatable or something defined. A black hole of racing thoughts. I once thought, I could face the darkness, but I have found that its threshold is too powerful for me to go farther in. Too many unanswered questions, too many uncertainties. Zooming into focus, we live our lives as a series of thoughts and feelings. Change the thought, change the feeling. Life can’t be so black and white. Inviting the blur, I recognize a discomforting
shade of gray. This gray offers no answer, just another possibility. There are no answers.
How do you want to live your life?
Do you want to live the right life?
Do you want to live a life that you created?
Do you want to live a life that is governed by God?
Do you want to live your life for someone else?
Do you know what you want from life?
What is life?
Why are we here together?
Why are we even here?
Why do we have thoughts that cause us to think this way?
Why do we suffer?
Why isn’t life fair?
Why do we try to be even in an unfair world?